Do Your Homework


I never thought I would be writing a blog or any kind of post about my husband's death.

Well I am today.

It is really true. He is gone.

My husband was so super brave and fought hard against a crazy virus that none of us understand.

He pushed hard.

He looked to me for answers.

He made others laugh still when he was struggling to breathe.

He was fighting for his life to be with his family.

He was scared.

He asked me to stay with him no matter what happened.

I did that for him. Every step of the way.


You see my Tony loved me.

He gave me great hugs.

He started everyday with "Good Morning Beautiful"!

He texted me love notes.

He left notes for me in the house.

He apologized when he messed up.

He made time for us.


Couples, I am talking to you now.

When you are in a relationship so many things can get in the way of you connecting and being really present.

We did that, well I did that more than Tony.

I let my passion for what I do get in the way sometimes of spending more time together.

We were a great team with all our projects.

We loved to be together just doing plain old errands even.


I am telling you that right now you are probably not appreciating your spouse the most.

You may even be grumpy with them too much.

You may be in a rut.

You may be talking to them in not the best tone.

You may be only thinking of the challenges in your relationship.

You may not appreciate them like you would if they were no longer here.

Let me tell you when you watch your spouse take his last breath all of that doesn't matter anymore.

It stops immediately.


I don't get to hug my guy anymore.

I don't get to call him.

I don't get to text him anymore.

I don't get to ask him to fix things.

I don't get to kiss him.

I don't get to feel him rubbing my arm or holding his hand.

I don't get to walk down the street with him or ride a bike together.

I don't get a voicemail saying I love you or I hope you have a great day.

The list could go on and on.


YOU can do those things.

YOU can call them and send sweet texts.

YOU can sleep next to them and hear all their crazy sounds they make.

YOU can hold hands.

YOU can hug them tight.


This is your homework: Be Present.

Listen to your spouse.

Smell your spouse (yes you heard me).

Hug them tight, not just a quick hug.

Grab their hand more often.

Write them a note they are not expecting.

Appreciate them.

Kiss them slower and not just a drive by peck.

Tony would always tell me after I did a drive by peck, "Make it meaningful".


I tell you 34+ years together flew by.

It will never be enough years.

I know many of you will read this and may say that's not me, sorry for her.

It could be you today or tomorrow.

Trust me I can't believe this is my life now.


Love more.

Be more.

See more.

Smell more.

Do it for me. Do it for you. Do it for them.


You see Tony is great now. He is with Jesus.

It just stinks for those left behind.

He is my angel now.

The cards have slowed down.

The elephants are not coming anymore.

The people have left and gone back to their families.

The texts and messages have slowed.


So now for me I look for rainbows.

I look for elephants.

I look for butterflies.

But you can look at your spouse.

You can touch your spouse.

You can vent about your day.

You can sit beside them in your car.


Do your homework everyday and be present.

Appreciate them and simply love them.


Love,

Patty






Celebrating 30 years married in 2020.